Dan Blake talks about the art of styling for breakups, divorces, and reclaiming power.
Have You Ever Dressed to Kill?
As a personal stylist, I’ve witnessed revenge dressing time and time again. When dressing up is more than just looking good, it serves a purpose; to reclaim your power!
There’s that moment in life when your confidence takes a hit. Maybe it’s a breakup, a difficult divorce, or a confrontation with someone who doubts or criticises you. And suddenly, you want your clothes to say what words can’t. You want what your wear to scream, “Screw you!”
If you’re old enough to remember, you’ll know that iconic moment: Princess Diana’s black, off-the-shoulder cocktail dress—the night Prince Charles admitted his infidelity. She stepped out radiant, poised, and completely in her power. That Versace piece wasn’t just a dress—it was a statement. It became known as The Revenge Dress.
But here’s the thing: Diana showed us something deeper. That fashion can speak volumes, especially when words fail us.
As personal stylists, we often work with clients going through adversity. One client recently told me, while wearing a sharp tailored two-piece blazer suit, “This is my armour.” Another came to me before a wedding where her ex would be present. She said, “You’ve got to make me look amazing! I want him to see what he lost.”
And yes, I get it. That urge to show them. But the real question is—are you dressing for them, or are you dressing for you?
Because even when you’re in the middle of a ‘screw you’ moment, your energy is still focused outward. Still wrapped in the opinions of others.
What if, instead, you dressed to feel strong, grounded, and calm—for yourself?
At LCS, our trained colour analysts understand the psychological power of colour. When used intentionally, colour can influence perception, mood, and confidence. But is it always about impressing others? Shouldn’t it be more about aligning with who you really are, and how you’d like to feel. The question there (channelling Marie Kondo vibes) is, “what do you need to let go of?”
When clients come to me during periods of transition, I always return to one principle: reclamation. Personal styling is not just surface-level. It’s about helping people reconnect with themselves after loss, change, or doubt.
Sure, there are moments that call for your best “armour”—a court hearing, a tense meeting, an event where your ex shows up with someone new. But real empowerment? That comes from letting go.
These are healing intentions.
When choosing what to wear for a charged moment, ask yourself:
- How do I want to feel?
- What am I ready to let go of?
- What does self-compassion look like for me?
- Where do I want to go from here?
Not, “What will make them notice me?” but “What will make me feel powerful, safe, confident—or simply at peace?”
From Revenge Dressing to Self-Compassion
Here are some of the principles I guide my clients through during difficult transitions:
1. Start with a Wardrobe Cleanse
Do a detox. Some clothes carry emotional weight. Ask: “Is this still me?” One client wore rigid tailoring to feel strong, but it made her appear defensive. We explored softer fabrics like brushed cotton, flannel, and cashmere. She chose peaceful greens and calming blues, rather than high-energy reds and yellows. She didn’t need to defend—she needed to soothe.
2. Start with how you want to feel, not how you want to be seen
Do you want to feel visible? Grounded? Sensual? Soft? Confident? The answer shapes your choices—from fabric to silhouette to colour.
3. Let fabrics work for you
A soft cashmere sweater can feel like a hug. A silky blouse can awaken your sensuality. A dress that flows can remind you what freedom feels like.
4. Anchor in the personal
Use a detail that holds meaning: a necklace passed down, a scent that reminds you of joy, a colour linked to your childhood. These details can become your emotional grounding.
5. Let go of revenge. Dress to move forward, not back.
Is this a time to dress for revenge, do is it better to dress for renewal?
Maybe you don’t need to prove anything to anyone. It’s more about claiming your energy, honouring your growth, and using your wardrobe to help rediscover a new chapter. That’s where the true power lies.
The Final Word
So, is revenge dressing a thing? Yes—but not in the way the media frames it. Of course, there will be moments when you feel exposed, vulnerable, and in need of that ‘dress to kill.’ But true empowerment rarely comes from trying to prove something to others.
The real joy? It comes from shifting your energy inward—towards healing, identity, and transformation.
As personal stylists, we often meet clients at emotional crossroads. In these moments of letting go or working through loss, I’ve watched women come alive again in front of the mirror—rediscovering pieces of themselves they thought were lost.
If you’re facing a major life change, a heartbreak, or a moment of self-reconnection, remember this:
Style isn’t about impressing others. It’s about aligning with who you truly are.
Dress to feel powerful. Dress to feel safe. Dress to feel free.
But most of all, dress for you.
